'I assure you: Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me. – Mat 25:40 (HCSB)
Recently I received an email from a friend sharing her humorous thoughts on prayers while driving to work. She wrote, “When I say my prayers while driving to work in the morning, I can get a bit distracted so I might pray and then stop for a minute and then pick it back up again. Sometimes it does not end and I just get to work and go inside without saying ‘Amen.’ Is ending a prayer without ‘Amen,’ just like an email in the draft folder that never gets sent? Is saying ‘Amen’ just like pressing the send button?”
What does it mean to pray continually or without ceasing? If ‘Amen’ is the send button or the end of the prayer, what does that say about our attitude toward prayer?
The word ‘AMEN’ means “So let it be.” It is an affirmation, a hope filled desire for that which is lifted in prayer. It’s like saying “Yes!” If we affirm our hopes in prayer, then are we not commiting ourselves to be at God’s disposal for the very things we pray? Then our “Amen” becomes a pledge to God.
If we pray, “God I ask you to heal my friend and I trust You to do it. Amen,” then are we not obliged to be a healthy life-giving presence to our friend in continued fervent prayer, cards, calls and others acts of compassion? We are the hands and feet of Jesus. Might saying “Amen” recommit us to living as His hands and feet in our daily lives?
If we think of Amen as the end of prayer, then our attitude may be like this. “It’s in God’s corner now…I have no more responsibility.” In reality ‘Amen’ is the beginning of prayer. It is the beginning of living out the mission communicated in prayer where God has directed you and where God promises to be with you.
Quite often Jesus makes statements to His listeners in the gospels saying “Amen, I tell you.” Other translations say, “Truly I tell you” or “Verily I say unto thee” or “I am telling you the truth, I am not lying.” The original word is ‘amen.’ It carries the meaning of truthful speech. So if we pray ‘Amen’ at the end of our prayers we are saying to God the One to whom we speak, that we are speaking truthfully to Him.
Since we cannot hide from God who sees all things even the secret places in our hearts, prayer opens us to an honest and truthful relationship with our Father in heaven. When we practice such honesty before God, we find that we are more transparent and open with other people and more able to serve them in humility.
How do you feel about being honest and open before God? Before one another?
Where do you sense Jesus is leading you to be His hands and feet? Share with one another and pray together ending your prayer in ‘Amen.’
So let it be.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Between Breath and Dust
"The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." ~ Genesis 2:7 (NIV)
The Apostle Paul writes of the human condition in his letter to the church in Rome that through Adam’s transgression came sinfulness and death for all (Rom. 5:12). Referring to the story of Adam it is interesting to note that the man Adam was made by God from the dust of the ground. God formed Adam from the dust which is a play on the Hebrew word “adamah” for fertile cultivatable soil. There were none to till the soil or keep the garden, so God made Adam from “adamah.” He is by very nature a man of the earth.
But he has another aspect of his being just as significant. God breathed into him the breath of life and Adam became a living soul. Here breath is a translation of “ruach” which is also translated as spirit and wind. Adam became something more than dirt. Humans are dust formed by the Creator’s hand and animated by the breath (ruach or spirit) that God gives. We are always under the influence of these aspects of human quality. We are caught between our earthly lower nature and our divine higher nature.
At Lent we are reminded of our lower nature, dust. When God pronounced the consequences of Adam’s transgression, he said, you are dust and to dust shall you return. We are mortal and our mortal lives will end with our bodies returning to earthly elements. That is the result of Adam’s sin. We had a shot at a paradise-like relationship with God our creator, but the thought of not tasting the forbidden things was just too much. The serpent made the forbidden fruit seem so good.
The serpent is cursed to crawl on its belly and eat dust. Do you hear the symbolism? Our earthly nature is crawling with the serpent and his lies. He slithers about and feeds on us, on our lower nature.
But God has acted in Jesus Christ to save us from this curse. He has freed us from this condition by handing Jesus over to death for our trespasses and raising Him for our justification (Rom. 4:25). If we trust in God’s work to free us through Christ we are seen a righteous in God’s eyes, no longer as unrighteous trespassers. Through Christ we are made right again with God. The curse is broken.
Lent gives us the opportunity to remember that we are also breath. The breath of God filled Jesus and He paid the price of our transgressions and defeated death itself in His resurrection. So Paul tells us that we have to make a choice between the old condition where we were basically serpent food (dust) and the new condition filled with the Holy Spirit (breath). Paul writes in Rom. 6:19 “Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”
Discuss together with your mate:
How much of our time is dedicated to intentional acts of righteousness and the pursuit of holiness?
How much is an automatic giving of ourselves over to dust?
We are caught in the midst between dust and breath, but thanks be to God who gives us victory in this tension through the victorious presence of Christ Jesus. May His Spirit enable you to share in God’s holiness.
The Apostle Paul writes of the human condition in his letter to the church in Rome that through Adam’s transgression came sinfulness and death for all (Rom. 5:12). Referring to the story of Adam it is interesting to note that the man Adam was made by God from the dust of the ground. God formed Adam from the dust which is a play on the Hebrew word “adamah” for fertile cultivatable soil. There were none to till the soil or keep the garden, so God made Adam from “adamah.” He is by very nature a man of the earth.
But he has another aspect of his being just as significant. God breathed into him the breath of life and Adam became a living soul. Here breath is a translation of “ruach” which is also translated as spirit and wind. Adam became something more than dirt. Humans are dust formed by the Creator’s hand and animated by the breath (ruach or spirit) that God gives. We are always under the influence of these aspects of human quality. We are caught between our earthly lower nature and our divine higher nature.
At Lent we are reminded of our lower nature, dust. When God pronounced the consequences of Adam’s transgression, he said, you are dust and to dust shall you return. We are mortal and our mortal lives will end with our bodies returning to earthly elements. That is the result of Adam’s sin. We had a shot at a paradise-like relationship with God our creator, but the thought of not tasting the forbidden things was just too much. The serpent made the forbidden fruit seem so good.
The serpent is cursed to crawl on its belly and eat dust. Do you hear the symbolism? Our earthly nature is crawling with the serpent and his lies. He slithers about and feeds on us, on our lower nature.
But God has acted in Jesus Christ to save us from this curse. He has freed us from this condition by handing Jesus over to death for our trespasses and raising Him for our justification (Rom. 4:25). If we trust in God’s work to free us through Christ we are seen a righteous in God’s eyes, no longer as unrighteous trespassers. Through Christ we are made right again with God. The curse is broken.
Lent gives us the opportunity to remember that we are also breath. The breath of God filled Jesus and He paid the price of our transgressions and defeated death itself in His resurrection. So Paul tells us that we have to make a choice between the old condition where we were basically serpent food (dust) and the new condition filled with the Holy Spirit (breath). Paul writes in Rom. 6:19 “Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”
Discuss together with your mate:
How much of our time is dedicated to intentional acts of righteousness and the pursuit of holiness?
How much is an automatic giving of ourselves over to dust?
We are caught in the midst between dust and breath, but thanks be to God who gives us victory in this tension through the victorious presence of Christ Jesus. May His Spirit enable you to share in God’s holiness.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Grieving
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" ~ John 11:33-36
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" ~ John 11:33-36
At some point in your married life together you will experience grief. It may be the loss of a grandparent or parent, a dear friend or colleague. It might be a job loss or an injury to one of your children. Some grief is momentary, but some grief takes years and in some cases there is no complete healing from the pain this side of heaven. May you be spared from that grief. Still grief is a natural response to loss and change. Our Lord took on human flesh and experienced grief.
You can search the internet and buy books and pamphlets on grief to discover the process. Grieving persons go through disbelief, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance and finally the healthy integration of the loss or change into living out a new reality. It is so important for married couples to understand this process for grieving. Sometimes we come from backgrounds that make it difficult for us to express our feelings or face the feelings in our spouse. Our understanding of grief process helps us to compassioinately support one another as we go through it.
Michele’s aunt and my brother died on Christmas Day 2009. We were in shock all day. We tried to go on with holiday celebrations, but for me everything felt so surreal, as if it wasn’t really happening. My memory of the gift exchange is scant and blurred. For weeks following I felt like I was on autopilot. I worked, I went through the funeral service, I went back to work. I talked about our loss, but I felt little.
Weeks later I was working on editing a video of my daughter Erika’s first birthday only to discover the VHS tape had demagnetized and the images ruined. I suddenly felt a deep sadness come over me. I was paralyzed by it. The only thing that helped was Michele’s hug and her understanding. The loss of maturing children moving away from home, the loss of my brother, and my wife’s family’s loss all came crashing in on me.
Talking about it didn’t help at first, but after about 3-4 conversations over the next few days the deep sadness left me. I was reminded that I still had adult children to love. While I suffered the loss of a video record of their childhood, I hadn’t lost them. And while I had lost my brother, I had gained a sweeter understanding of who he was through the many people who spent time with him in recent years. I was renewed by a new perspective.
Talk about a time you have faced grief. How did you get through it? If you have never really faced grief, talk about how you feel about the idea of facing loss and significant changes. Know that Jesus, our Lord, knows your grief. Take comfort in knowing that Jesus is with you both as you hold on to Him and one another.
Consider The Cost
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. ~ Luke 14:28-30, 33
Too often marriages begin without a real consideration of what it takes to see it through to the finish. Young romance blinds couples to the harsh realities of life together. It requires surrender to Christ and His covenant with us as married couples. Recently I read that the chief purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ in our love for one another. This transformed love shapes godly children and blesses other family and friends. Are you surrendering everything for Christ to change you?
Jesus comes from a Hebrew prophetic tradition that often uses harsh rhetoric in order to grab attention. Such comments demand a response. The faint of heart and disinterested will fall away, but those who truly love God with their whole heart, mind, soul, and strength will want to come closer to understand Jesus. They will come to discover there are greater things requiring their attention than wealth making or even daily needs like food, drink and clothing. Jesus promises that God takes care of His own (Mat. 6:25-34). Those who walk by faith are moved by God’s promises and not by the current customs of the world. They gain a greater appreciation for the riches that God gives to every soul that places His right ways and His community above all things. Jesus promised that those who leave family, jobs and houses for kingdom work will gain 100 times the family and homes in this life and in the new age (Mark 10:28-30).
All this rhetoric should not be literalized. When we offer a tithe, we don’t wait with a ledger for the 10,000% return. The point is that when our attentions and passions are occupied by money-making, family building, career advancement or pleasure seeking, we will not be free to give God unfettered allegiance. Our hearts will belong elsewhere and God will get the leftovers. And we cannot serve more than one master (Mat. 6:24). His challenge serves to help us sift through all that grabs our attention. We learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Jesus’ challenge sifted the crowd and those left were on the way to a sincere following of Jesus Christ.
Consider Jesus’ warning to the crowds and evaluate the cost of discipleship. It means everything changes. His mission of redemption in the world becomes your mission above all other concerns. Discuss with your spouse how you feel about this. How might you move your attentions from family building, career building or wealth building to a wholehearted mission of kingdom building through witness in word and deed?
To give up everything is to lay all things at your disposal at the Master’s feet and ask His direction on how to use it for His glory and the building of His community of faith. As we plan the New Year, how might we make the appropriate dedication of all things to Christ’s disposal as an act of discipleship? Will we fall away or draw closer and discover the fulfillment of His promises for eternal riches?
Too often marriages begin without a real consideration of what it takes to see it through to the finish. Young romance blinds couples to the harsh realities of life together. It requires surrender to Christ and His covenant with us as married couples. Recently I read that the chief purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ in our love for one another. This transformed love shapes godly children and blesses other family and friends. Are you surrendering everything for Christ to change you?
Jesus comes from a Hebrew prophetic tradition that often uses harsh rhetoric in order to grab attention. Such comments demand a response. The faint of heart and disinterested will fall away, but those who truly love God with their whole heart, mind, soul, and strength will want to come closer to understand Jesus. They will come to discover there are greater things requiring their attention than wealth making or even daily needs like food, drink and clothing. Jesus promises that God takes care of His own (Mat. 6:25-34). Those who walk by faith are moved by God’s promises and not by the current customs of the world. They gain a greater appreciation for the riches that God gives to every soul that places His right ways and His community above all things. Jesus promised that those who leave family, jobs and houses for kingdom work will gain 100 times the family and homes in this life and in the new age (Mark 10:28-30).
All this rhetoric should not be literalized. When we offer a tithe, we don’t wait with a ledger for the 10,000% return. The point is that when our attentions and passions are occupied by money-making, family building, career advancement or pleasure seeking, we will not be free to give God unfettered allegiance. Our hearts will belong elsewhere and God will get the leftovers. And we cannot serve more than one master (Mat. 6:24). His challenge serves to help us sift through all that grabs our attention. We learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Jesus’ challenge sifted the crowd and those left were on the way to a sincere following of Jesus Christ.
Consider Jesus’ warning to the crowds and evaluate the cost of discipleship. It means everything changes. His mission of redemption in the world becomes your mission above all other concerns. Discuss with your spouse how you feel about this. How might you move your attentions from family building, career building or wealth building to a wholehearted mission of kingdom building through witness in word and deed?
To give up everything is to lay all things at your disposal at the Master’s feet and ask His direction on how to use it for His glory and the building of His community of faith. As we plan the New Year, how might we make the appropriate dedication of all things to Christ’s disposal as an act of discipleship? Will we fall away or draw closer and discover the fulfillment of His promises for eternal riches?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Overjoyed
When they saw the star they shouted joyfully. – Mat. 2:10 (NET Bible)
“‘Tis to the season to be jolly!” Have you noticed in recent years the cynicism in films about the holidays? There’s a long list that grows as each jolly season comes around. Rather than themes that celebrate the joy of the season of love, the focus is primarily on dysfunctional families and broken relationships, greed and grimacing. While the cynical approach may name what is the reality for many, it subverts the joyous message. The message is “Love is real.”
“‘Tis to the season to be jolly!” Have you noticed in recent years the cynicism in films about the holidays? There’s a long list that grows as each jolly season comes around. Rather than themes that celebrate the joy of the season of love, the focus is primarily on dysfunctional families and broken relationships, greed and grimacing. While the cynical approach may name what is the reality for many, it subverts the joyous message. The message is “Love is real.”
There’s a carol that names it well.
Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, Love divine;
Love was born at Christmas;
star and angels gave the sign.
Astrologers (Magi) from Persian courts came to pay homage to the Messiah born not only for Israel, but for all people. These men had learned the messianic prophecies of from Judah’s captivity in Babylon. They were knowledgeable about the hope that one day God would restore His people with a son of King David and His kingdom would be marked by justice, righteousness, peace and the blessing of all the kingdoms of the earth. Kings and rulers would flock to Jerusalem to learn of God and share in this outpouring of wisdom, truth and majesty. Our best hope for human community is summed up in this messianic kingdom.
Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, Love divine;
Love was born at Christmas;
star and angels gave the sign.
Astrologers (Magi) from Persian courts came to pay homage to the Messiah born not only for Israel, but for all people. These men had learned the messianic prophecies of from Judah’s captivity in Babylon. They were knowledgeable about the hope that one day God would restore His people with a son of King David and His kingdom would be marked by justice, righteousness, peace and the blessing of all the kingdoms of the earth. Kings and rulers would flock to Jerusalem to learn of God and share in this outpouring of wisdom, truth and majesty. Our best hope for human community is summed up in this messianic kingdom.
You and your spouse are chief subjects to King Jesus. He has a special task for you. It is to rejoice in Him, hope in Him and to love one another with the love He has shown each of you through His life, death and resurrection. Michele and I see our duty to Christ our King as the sacred task of loving one another; to love and care for our children and neighbors as a means of celebrating the greatest love ever given to the world.
This love is a self-emptying love. We do not possess this love apart from our connection to the King. When we drift from the majesty of His throne to go and serve others gods, like the god of busy-ness, the god of success, of fortune, of recognition, or of recreation, we separate ourselves from this real love.
John wrote in his first letter to the church that we know love by this: “Jesus laid down his life for us; thus we ought to lay down our lives for our fellow Christians” (1 Jn 3:16 NET Bible). This kind of love is risky and takes complete faith. It is a love that keeps no record of wrong, is not rude and shows patience (see 1 Cor. 13). This “other seeking love” is made completely real to our hearts when we embrace the gift of Christmas, Christ Jesus. When our hearts are filled with His Spirit, we can enjoy a true holiday, holy days in joyous celebration.
Discuss with one another how you can connect with this real love together. How will you spend time before the throne of Christ Jesus and be filled with His love? How will you share this self-emptying love with one another?
This love is a special light in the world. The Magi saw the new star that announced Christ’s birth and they were overjoyed. May you know the joy of real love, first from Christ and through Him for one another and the entire world.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Mission Critical
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come." ~ Mark 1:35-37
Do you ever get the feeling that everybody wants a piece of you? Mark tells us that Jesus had the habit of prayer early in the morning. While he was away renewing himself and hearing from His heavenly father, others were searching for him. They tell him that “everyone is looking for him.” Jesus knows what if feels like to have people tugging on you for your time and energy.
Jesus’ response seems sort of unkind. Instead of him responding to the needs of those in front of him, his focus is on his mission with those he had not yet encountered. Far from being unkind, Jesus is dedicated to his mission which will bless the whole world. Jesus’ example is helpful for us in marriage in a couple ways.
The first point is this: Keep your mission as the priority.
Jesus could have allowed the needs of the moment distract him from the greater mission, that for which he came into the world. What would our lives be like if Jesus had chosen just to stick to Capernaum of Galilee? We would not know the life saving good news of God’s love.
The second point is this: Stay grounded in your relationship with God.
Jesus took the time to pray first thing in the morning. Before event the sun got to work, Jesus went to a quiet place to be alone with God. Here he could renew and be reminded of his purpose in life, his mission, that for which God had sent him into the world. Remember that Jesus taught his disciples, “apart from me, you can do nothing.” Grapes can never ripen apart from the sustaining vine. God is your vine, your very life’s source and strength.
Your mission as a married couple is simple: love one another and allow God to knit your hearts together as one. But God does not give you one to the other for your own sakes. God gives you this partnership to provide Him a witness of divine love in the world. Your children are blessed when you share in this love. Your friends, extended family and everyone who knows you are blessed because of your love for one another.
The next time you feel others tugging at you, causing you to drift from this most critical mission, feel free to be clear with them about what is your mission. Resist the temptation to give into everyone else; the children, the job, the extended family, the church or community. You are called to love your spouse and from that wonderful life-giving relationship, witness to the love of God.
What is your mission as a couple? As a disciple of Jesus Christ? Discuss with one another how you keep grounded in your relationship with Christ
Do you ever get the feeling that everybody wants a piece of you? Mark tells us that Jesus had the habit of prayer early in the morning. While he was away renewing himself and hearing from His heavenly father, others were searching for him. They tell him that “everyone is looking for him.” Jesus knows what if feels like to have people tugging on you for your time and energy.
Jesus’ response seems sort of unkind. Instead of him responding to the needs of those in front of him, his focus is on his mission with those he had not yet encountered. Far from being unkind, Jesus is dedicated to his mission which will bless the whole world. Jesus’ example is helpful for us in marriage in a couple ways.
The first point is this: Keep your mission as the priority.
Jesus could have allowed the needs of the moment distract him from the greater mission, that for which he came into the world. What would our lives be like if Jesus had chosen just to stick to Capernaum of Galilee? We would not know the life saving good news of God’s love.
The second point is this: Stay grounded in your relationship with God.
Jesus took the time to pray first thing in the morning. Before event the sun got to work, Jesus went to a quiet place to be alone with God. Here he could renew and be reminded of his purpose in life, his mission, that for which God had sent him into the world. Remember that Jesus taught his disciples, “apart from me, you can do nothing.” Grapes can never ripen apart from the sustaining vine. God is your vine, your very life’s source and strength.
Your mission as a married couple is simple: love one another and allow God to knit your hearts together as one. But God does not give you one to the other for your own sakes. God gives you this partnership to provide Him a witness of divine love in the world. Your children are blessed when you share in this love. Your friends, extended family and everyone who knows you are blessed because of your love for one another.
The next time you feel others tugging at you, causing you to drift from this most critical mission, feel free to be clear with them about what is your mission. Resist the temptation to give into everyone else; the children, the job, the extended family, the church or community. You are called to love your spouse and from that wonderful life-giving relationship, witness to the love of God.
What is your mission as a couple? As a disciple of Jesus Christ? Discuss with one another how you keep grounded in your relationship with Christ
Monday, September 7, 2009
Priorities
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
~ Matthew 6:33
Do you ever get to feeling like you have no control over your life? Day in and day out you are working someone else’s agenda. You daydream about what you wish you had time to do, but you never seem to get the chance. Join the hundreds of millions of westerners who have chosen this life. This is the game we bought into. It’s what I often refer to as the “hamster wheel the world has gotten us onto.”
Do you ever get to feeling like you have no control over your life? Day in and day out you are working someone else’s agenda. You daydream about what you wish you had time to do, but you never seem to get the chance. Join the hundreds of millions of westerners who have chosen this life. This is the game we bought into. It’s what I often refer to as the “hamster wheel the world has gotten us onto.”
Michele and I have often wanted to travel in our life. We get to once in a while, but with no regularity. Finances and our commitments to our children’s schedules, our church and employers and my spending habits have often frustrated these longings.
On the one hand, we can learn the discipline of being thankful for what we have. There is a joy in simplicity and allowing ourselves to gratefully receive the givenness of our life together. Still, we could also acknowledge that we allow the business of day to day commitments obscure our working toward priorities. If we want to go on a trip to Hawaii, we can set the date and plan on how we will save the money to pay for the trip. It may take a few years to reach that dream, but we won’t see it come to fruition unless we work toward that priority.
We find the same to be true in our marriage relationship. We get so busy with the day to day that we begin to sense that there’s a gap between us. We love each other, but our need for intimacy is not being met because, we haven’t made intimate conversation and time together a priority.
Michele uses an object lesson that is very effective in illustrating the importance of priorities. On a table she has two glass jars. One jar is filled about halfway with small dried beans. The other is filled with pin-pong balls. The small beans represent all the little stuff we have to get done, like trimming the bushes or changing the oil in the lawnmower. They are important, but are they major priorities in the grand scheme? The ping-pong balls represent the major priorities like family, job, school and friendships.
If you are like most people, you can’t get everything done. So after days and weeks of reacting to all the tugs on your time and talent, you have little left for pursuing what you really want out of life. Michele illustrates this by showing that when we deal with all the small stuff first (the beans), all the ping-pong balls will not fit into the jar with the beans.
But when we attend to the major priorities first (she loads an empty jar with the ping-pong balls), then all the small stuff falls into place (she pours the beans into the same jar with the ping-pong balls and amazingly they all fill the spaces in between the ping-pong balls.).
Jesus taught to make the kingdom of God our first priority, even above such necessities as food, drink and clothing. When we pursue God’s righteousness, all the other stuff finds its appropriate place in the scheme of things.
Your marriage is a gift from God. How are you making your relationship a major priority? Discuss what small stuff is getting in the way of you both working toward intimacy and affectionate care?
Your marriage is a gift from God. How are you making your relationship a major priority? Discuss what small stuff is getting in the way of you both working toward intimacy and affectionate care?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A Verse to Hang Your Hat On
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28
Have you ever heard people from New England or Michigan speak? Their “r” is barely noticeable. I heard a comedian once joking about a fellow from Boston who said that his father had a “hat” attack. Cardiac arrest aside, I have a few biblical verses that “I hang my hat (heart) on.” That’s an old saying (origin unknown to me) related to a place where you call home, a place of security. If I hang my hat on an idea, it means I feel secure in my adherence to that idea.
One such verse is Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This implies a worldview where there is a God working for good in all things. It says to me that in the good, bad and ugly of life, God is at work taking life as it is presented to Him and bringing about blessings. This does not mean that I will feel good about an ugly event like the murder of children. It doesn’t mean that God wills for such ugliness to occur. What it does recognize is that suffering happens in this fallen world in its “bondage to decay” (Rom 8:21). Yet, while suffering occurs, God responds by working good for those whose hearts belong to Him and dedicate themselves to working with God in His work of restoring this broken world.
Time and time again, as Michele and I face “trials of many kinds” (James 1:2-4), we return to this understanding. We are comforted with a sense of security when we acknowledge that God is on the job working for good. We may not see the good God is doing, but we have faith that such good will come. It doesn’t matter to us if we benefit directly from the good. We are pleased to believe that something beautiful, something good will come out of the trial.
Recently we reconnected with one of our friends who served as an usher at our wedding all those years ago. We hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and inquired about his family. He had married later in life to a woman with a troubled teenager. Problems at their home sometime brought the police to their doorstep. It was a harrowing time for them and they feared for their daughter’s life with her destructive behavior and rebellious attitude.
What a delight it was to hear how God had worked for good in their lives. The teen had sued our friends for emancipation, but was placed at a Christian children’s home under supervision by the court until she reached 18 years. During that time the teen found healing for her heart and coping skills. Now in her mid-twenties she is a mother and employed full time as a counselor for child victims of domestic violence. God took a wounded girl and helped her become a healer.
What is a verse of scripture you hang your heart on?
Discuss with your spouse some of your favorite verses or passages.
If you can’t think of a passage, discuss how you feel about Romans 8:28.
Have you ever heard people from New England or Michigan speak? Their “r” is barely noticeable. I heard a comedian once joking about a fellow from Boston who said that his father had a “hat” attack. Cardiac arrest aside, I have a few biblical verses that “I hang my hat (heart) on.” That’s an old saying (origin unknown to me) related to a place where you call home, a place of security. If I hang my hat on an idea, it means I feel secure in my adherence to that idea.
One such verse is Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This implies a worldview where there is a God working for good in all things. It says to me that in the good, bad and ugly of life, God is at work taking life as it is presented to Him and bringing about blessings. This does not mean that I will feel good about an ugly event like the murder of children. It doesn’t mean that God wills for such ugliness to occur. What it does recognize is that suffering happens in this fallen world in its “bondage to decay” (Rom 8:21). Yet, while suffering occurs, God responds by working good for those whose hearts belong to Him and dedicate themselves to working with God in His work of restoring this broken world.
Time and time again, as Michele and I face “trials of many kinds” (James 1:2-4), we return to this understanding. We are comforted with a sense of security when we acknowledge that God is on the job working for good. We may not see the good God is doing, but we have faith that such good will come. It doesn’t matter to us if we benefit directly from the good. We are pleased to believe that something beautiful, something good will come out of the trial.
Recently we reconnected with one of our friends who served as an usher at our wedding all those years ago. We hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and inquired about his family. He had married later in life to a woman with a troubled teenager. Problems at their home sometime brought the police to their doorstep. It was a harrowing time for them and they feared for their daughter’s life with her destructive behavior and rebellious attitude.
What a delight it was to hear how God had worked for good in their lives. The teen had sued our friends for emancipation, but was placed at a Christian children’s home under supervision by the court until she reached 18 years. During that time the teen found healing for her heart and coping skills. Now in her mid-twenties she is a mother and employed full time as a counselor for child victims of domestic violence. God took a wounded girl and helped her become a healer.
What is a verse of scripture you hang your heart on?
Discuss with your spouse some of your favorite verses or passages.
If you can’t think of a passage, discuss how you feel about Romans 8:28.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Not Enough is Plenty
“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said. – Matthew 14:17-18
Recently Michele and I have hit a brick wall. Our energy is depleted. We are tired. It could be aging, or lack of exercise, improper diet or doing more than we are physically equipped to do. Whatever it is, low energy is a drag on us spiritually. When our bodies are tired, our spirits and minds are also worn out.
Paul tells us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). And Jesus tells John in his revelation, “I am making everything new” (Rev. 21:5). The Spirit of God “renews the face of the earth” (Psalm 104:30). And “those who wait on the Lord renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31). The need for renewal exists for all God’s creation. Why should we be any different?
One of my favorite passages is about Jesus trying to get away from the crowds to grieve his cousin, John the baptizer, who was executed by King Herod. Matthew tells us that Jesus and his disciples took a boat to a secluded place. The crowds had heard about his plans and met Him when He arrived.
Can you imagine how he felt? I would have just moved on to another place saying, “I need some ‘me’ time.” But Jesus has compassion on the crowds and heals their sick. As the day turns to evening, the disciples are worn out. “Send these people away so they can eat,” they tell Jesus. Jesus tells them, “You give them something to eat.” The disciples complained that there was not enough to feed this multitude of 5000 people. But Jesus responds, “bring them to me.” So the disciples hand him their limited supplies, but with the blessing of God all the people are fed and satisfied with baskets of leftovers!
In our weakness, we find new strength through our dependency on the abundance of the kingdom of Heaven. When we are empty, we find new resources for energy and passion when we come to our Creator broken and in need. Give God what little you have in faithful obedience and see what he does with it. Remember with God…not enough means plenty.
You may be struggling with financial limitations, or a depletion of self-esteem, you may find a physical limitation slowing you down. In all these things, you are invited to stop focusing on your limits and start trusting in the abundant mercies of God through Jesus Christ. Like a pinch of yeast causes a whole batch of dough to rise, your faith added to your limited resources will bring about dramatic results.
Share with one another where you are feeling empty, limited, pinched or constrained. How does God want to use the little you feel you have? Pray together for God to direct you and multiply your offering.
Recently Michele and I have hit a brick wall. Our energy is depleted. We are tired. It could be aging, or lack of exercise, improper diet or doing more than we are physically equipped to do. Whatever it is, low energy is a drag on us spiritually. When our bodies are tired, our spirits and minds are also worn out.
Paul tells us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). And Jesus tells John in his revelation, “I am making everything new” (Rev. 21:5). The Spirit of God “renews the face of the earth” (Psalm 104:30). And “those who wait on the Lord renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31). The need for renewal exists for all God’s creation. Why should we be any different?
One of my favorite passages is about Jesus trying to get away from the crowds to grieve his cousin, John the baptizer, who was executed by King Herod. Matthew tells us that Jesus and his disciples took a boat to a secluded place. The crowds had heard about his plans and met Him when He arrived.
Can you imagine how he felt? I would have just moved on to another place saying, “I need some ‘me’ time.” But Jesus has compassion on the crowds and heals their sick. As the day turns to evening, the disciples are worn out. “Send these people away so they can eat,” they tell Jesus. Jesus tells them, “You give them something to eat.” The disciples complained that there was not enough to feed this multitude of 5000 people. But Jesus responds, “bring them to me.” So the disciples hand him their limited supplies, but with the blessing of God all the people are fed and satisfied with baskets of leftovers!
In our weakness, we find new strength through our dependency on the abundance of the kingdom of Heaven. When we are empty, we find new resources for energy and passion when we come to our Creator broken and in need. Give God what little you have in faithful obedience and see what he does with it. Remember with God…not enough means plenty.
You may be struggling with financial limitations, or a depletion of self-esteem, you may find a physical limitation slowing you down. In all these things, you are invited to stop focusing on your limits and start trusting in the abundant mercies of God through Jesus Christ. Like a pinch of yeast causes a whole batch of dough to rise, your faith added to your limited resources will bring about dramatic results.
Share with one another where you are feeling empty, limited, pinched or constrained. How does God want to use the little you feel you have? Pray together for God to direct you and multiply your offering.
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Time to Every Purpose
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
Recently Michele’s part-time consulting job was eliminated. “I was disappointed and concerned. I judged this was a step backwards for the organization. I was concerned not only for the future of the organization & the people I supported but also for our personal finances.” There is a lot of that going around in 2009. This June another half million jobs disappeared from American employers. People are displaced and in transition. Marriages are in crisis as fearful emotions run high.
Often we tend to equate our self worth to what we do, our occupation. Others are tied to fine belongings like houses, cars, clothes, and jewelry to boost self esteem. But when economies erode, our self esteem can wash away like a collapsing river bank. When we derive our sense of self worth from things on earth, we are truly on questionable foundations.
Both the old and new testaments include in their worldview an end to this era. Peter writes in his second letter, The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. The New Testament writers especially thought that the end of this world and its corruption would bring about the reign of Christ and the home of Righteousness. So we are encouraged to put our complete trust in the Master’s hand and not get too tied to the world.
After all we live a mortal life. It is a life with limitations and endings. It is a life with joy and sorrow. But with every death, there is a new beginning because our creator is in the world bringing about newness all the time. As Christ’s work continues to renew the face of the earth, He also renews the lives of those who call upon Him in faith.
How would your life together be different if you both trusted that each loss, disappointment, change, challenge and death was an opportunity for God to do something new in your lives? Discuss with one another.
Pray together and recommit your hearts to trust fully in God’s action. For there is a time to every purpose under heaven and we know all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).
Recently Michele’s part-time consulting job was eliminated. “I was disappointed and concerned. I judged this was a step backwards for the organization. I was concerned not only for the future of the organization & the people I supported but also for our personal finances.” There is a lot of that going around in 2009. This June another half million jobs disappeared from American employers. People are displaced and in transition. Marriages are in crisis as fearful emotions run high.
Often we tend to equate our self worth to what we do, our occupation. Others are tied to fine belongings like houses, cars, clothes, and jewelry to boost self esteem. But when economies erode, our self esteem can wash away like a collapsing river bank. When we derive our sense of self worth from things on earth, we are truly on questionable foundations.
Both the old and new testaments include in their worldview an end to this era. Peter writes in his second letter, The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. The New Testament writers especially thought that the end of this world and its corruption would bring about the reign of Christ and the home of Righteousness. So we are encouraged to put our complete trust in the Master’s hand and not get too tied to the world.
After all we live a mortal life. It is a life with limitations and endings. It is a life with joy and sorrow. But with every death, there is a new beginning because our creator is in the world bringing about newness all the time. As Christ’s work continues to renew the face of the earth, He also renews the lives of those who call upon Him in faith.
How would your life together be different if you both trusted that each loss, disappointment, change, challenge and death was an opportunity for God to do something new in your lives? Discuss with one another.
Pray together and recommit your hearts to trust fully in God’s action. For there is a time to every purpose under heaven and we know all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Parents
"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ~ Ephesians 6:2-3
Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.
Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.
When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.
Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.
Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.
Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.
Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.
Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.
When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.
Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.
Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.
Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Coat Hanger
Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
The apostle Paul gives this simple encouragement to the church. It seems simple, but it reflects how submission to Christ changes our relationships. When we learn how to rever Christ, by submitting our lives to Him in humility and obedience, we find that we are able to surrender our lives in love to others.
This goes a very long way in illustrating how Christ intends his married couples to behave. Paul follows in Eph. 5:22 by telling wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Her submission to her husband is prefigured or modeled in her submission to Christ her Lord. In the same way Paul urges the man in Eph. 5: 25 to “love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands are to follow the self-sacrificing love that Jesus showed the church by giving His life as a ransom in order that we might be saved. Christ shed His blood on the cross to “present the church to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Christ’s self-emptying love rings about a transformation by those He loved. In the same way husbands and wives are called to love each other like Jesus loves each one through a self-emptying love.
I always use the coat hanger as a symbol of the Christian covenant of marriage. Most of my couples have never thought of their relationship in this way. Refer to the picture above. Most often we think of marriage as a 50/50 proposition. He throws in his half with hers and the two make a go of it. Some poor folks actually agree that “if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” Is it any wonder with such an approach to the marriage covenant that 50% of our marriages in America end in divorce?
We are so trained to think as liberated individuals that we fail to see that marriage is a relationship started by God’s action and held together by God’s grace. Every covenant is initiated by God’s invitation. God invited humans to “be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it.” God invited Abram to follow Him to Canaan and God would make Abram the father of many nations and bless him and those who bless Abram. God invited Moses and the Israelites to join Him into a holy community by following His holy law, summarized in the 10 commandments. In the same way God brings together a man and woman and invites them into a covenant where the two will become one flesh.
As such a husband must acknowledge the author of his marriage, namely His creator. The more he pursues a vital faith, the stronger he will be as a husband to his wife. And a woman likewise must love the Lord and grow in her devotion to Christ. The stronger her relationship with Christ, the stronger she will be in her marriage to her husband. The success of the Christian marriage is dependent upon Christ’s grace at work in the husband and wife.
We know Christ as the good shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. We know from Psalm 23 that the Lord our shepherd leads us to refreshment, righteousness, walks with us through the dark valleys of our life journey and brings us to a place of security where we can affirm that good and mercy follow us always and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. The hook on the coat hanger reminds us of this Shepherd God. The triangular shape of the coat hanger reminds us of the correlation between our submission to Christ and the strength of our marriage.
Discuss together how you feel about the coat hanger as a symbol for marriage. Share with one another one or two areas in your relationship with Christ where you think you need to grow. Ask your spouse to share with you an area he or she would like to see you grow as a spouse.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Back to Basics
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ~ Revelation 22:2
As another month draws to a close, I realize how quickly life passes us by as adults. As children time seems to crawl. We long to be grown up and seen as responsible. Now as we will soon be celebrating our second child’s graduation from high school, I am aware that the speed of time’s passing is a blur. Like the dotted line on a highway, each day passes by with a flash.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not only of a romantic past, but of God’s promise of a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage are in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
As another month draws to a close, I realize how quickly life passes us by as adults. As children time seems to crawl. We long to be grown up and seen as responsible. Now as we will soon be celebrating our second child’s graduation from high school, I am aware that the speed of time’s passing is a blur. Like the dotted line on a highway, each day passes by with a flash.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not only of a romantic past, but of God’s promise of a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage are in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Renewal Through Remembering
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ~ Revelation 22:2
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not simply of romantic beginnings, but of God’s promise for a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage is in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not simply of romantic beginnings, but of God’s promise for a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage is in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Rich Wounds
Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.” ~ John 20:27a
During Holy Week I was listening to music from my college years and found myself overwhelmed with a flood of painful memories. I experienced guilt, shame, rejection and deep sadness. As I wrestled with these old wounds, it suddenly occurred to me that as Our Lord revealed His wounds to His disciples after he had suffered the cross and risen from the dead.
During Holy Week I was listening to music from my college years and found myself overwhelmed with a flood of painful memories. I experienced guilt, shame, rejection and deep sadness. As I wrestled with these old wounds, it suddenly occurred to me that as Our Lord revealed His wounds to His disciples after he had suffered the cross and risen from the dead.
Often we think of the faithful departed as being disembodied spirits, vapors who show no deformity. This idea is present in the Star Wars first trilogy. In Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader) appears to his son Luke in a vision at the end of the film. If you know the film Darth Vader was horribly deformed in life having burned on a volcanic planet after his defeat in a battle against his former master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yet in his appearance to Luke through the force, Anakin shows no sign of the scars. Instead he appears whole and smiling. In the special addition of the film, the younger version of Anakin appears, handsome, viral and complete.
The resurrected Christ, however, bears His scars. He is alive, a new creation, the first born of the dead…and yet Jesus still has the scars from his earthly suffering. Why? Why would God not recreate a whole and unblemished body?
The classic hymn Crown Him With Many Crowns has these words in the text:
Crown Him the Lord of love,Behold His hands and side,
Rich wounds, yet visible above, In beauty glorified.
Crown Him the Lord of life, Who triumphed o'er the grave,
Crown Him the Lord of life, Who triumphed o'er the grave,
Who rose victorious to the strife For those He came to save.
In some sense the wounds of Christ, the Resurrected One, remind us of His suffering which brought us victory over sin and death and all evil. His death and resurrection are complete and total victory. And as Peter quoted Isaiah, “by His wounds you have been healed.”
Old wounds can surface in our relationships and cause us to feel paralyzed and out of control. We do and say things we regret because of the past pain that has come into our present.
How might you find victory and healing knowing that Christ bears rich wounds that have set you free?
Discuss with your spouse.
If you need to ask forgiveness for past abuses, do so. Trust your spouse with your old wounds and together before Christ pray for healing.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
In Sickness and In Health
Now Simon's mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her. So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them. ~ Luke 4:38b-39
Michele and I just went through a round of the flu with our two younger teens, Erika and Anthony. They missed school. I ran them to doctor’s appointments. Michele called to check in from work and to prompt me to get medications or what ever else was needed. Michele is the nurse. I am not.
What I mean to say is that my nursing abilities are lacking. I don’t have much of a bedside manner. I am more witch doctor than nurse trying to frighten the flu bug or evil spirits away from my sick children. I am attempting humor here. Basically I feel unable to help, so I feel helpless and a bit frustrated.
That is the weakness I face when my love, whom I depend on for so many things, falls ill. I feel sick right along with her. I do not have the illness she has, but I have an undone feeling like I am not okay. I feel insecure when Michele is sick. I often tell her she is my “quiet strength.” So when she’s not okay, I am not okay. Sound like co-dependency? Or is it indicative of the deep love connection, that one flesh relationship that God does in marriages?
Peter and Jesus were finally getting a chance to wind down after a busy day of ministry around
“They asked Jesus to help her.” It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? How do you ask Jesus to help your spouse when they are feeling ill? Can we pray for our spouse or children when they are sick with something as ordinary as a cold or fever? I have seen Michele feel better just because I cared enough to pray over her.
Try praying over your spouse while they are lying on their sick bed. It might seem awkward, but envision in your mind’s eye the Lord Jesus there with you touching them with His mighty hands. Imagine the Lord of the Universe leaning over the bed with you and in the authority of His name, rebuking the illness.
Jesus has been given authority in all things. He shares this authority when you pray in His name. Learn to let go of your own insecurities when your loved one is languished and be strengthened and renewed in the knowledge that Jesus answers those who call upon the Great Physician.
Once they are feeling better, you can go back to depending on them. Depend on Jesus always and He will enable you to keep your spouse in sickness and in health.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lent: Facing the Stomach Gods
For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. ~ Philippians 3:18-19
Often we give up something we enjoy; a vice of some sort that we know is a pleasing and distracting indulgence. These indulgences take our hearts and bind them to earthly things. It can become godlike as we turn to it for comfort rather than to God for restoration. For some it’s chocolate, others alcohol, still others pornography or costly apparel. There are a million ways to divert our heart away from what our heart truly needs… a right relationship with God.
The apostle James reminds us that friendship with the world is enmity with God (James 4:4) and Jesus taught that where your treasure is there your heart will be also (Mat. 6: 21). Treasure is not simply money, for what is money but the means to gain earthly things? No, treasure is what our hearts desire, what we love in this world. Our relationship to earthly things is related to the Greek concept of Eros. It is a desiring, alluring affection.
Don’t get me wrong. God’s creation is filled with good things and all these good things should be enjoyed and give us glad hearts. Psalm 104:15 celebrates God’s good work.
But when these good things become the main source of comfort, when we hit the malls for retail therapy, we are turning to stomach gods! We are bound to our desires. The sad thing about this common human weakness is that we are trying to fill a spiritual need with a material solution. We have a God-shaped hole in each of us that only the living God can fill. So when we turn to the stomach gods, the alluring affection for earthly things, we remain empty. There may be an immediate pleasure, but it does not sustain. And the next time the pleasure fix will require bigger and better experiences with our material solution to our spiritual needs. That’s why Paul pities those who are focused on earthly things. They are going nowhere on this spiritual journey.
But there are those who are wise enough to recognize that nothing in this mortal plain satisfies the hungry heart. Lent is the opportunity for us to join with others in following the apostle’s example of prayer, fasting, meditation and devotion as we prepare for a sharing in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Read all of Philippians Chapter 3 and discuss with your spouse what you believe may be a stomach god in your life. How are you going to join with others in this Lenten journey toward resurrection?
Often we give up something we enjoy; a vice of some sort that we know is a pleasing and distracting indulgence. These indulgences take our hearts and bind them to earthly things. It can become godlike as we turn to it for comfort rather than to God for restoration. For some it’s chocolate, others alcohol, still others pornography or costly apparel. There are a million ways to divert our heart away from what our heart truly needs… a right relationship with God.
The apostle James reminds us that friendship with the world is enmity with God (James 4:4) and Jesus taught that where your treasure is there your heart will be also (Mat. 6: 21). Treasure is not simply money, for what is money but the means to gain earthly things? No, treasure is what our hearts desire, what we love in this world. Our relationship to earthly things is related to the Greek concept of Eros. It is a desiring, alluring affection.
Don’t get me wrong. God’s creation is filled with good things and all these good things should be enjoyed and give us glad hearts. Psalm 104:15 celebrates God’s good work.
wine that gladdens the heart of man,
oil to make his face shine,
and bread that sustains his heart.
But when these good things become the main source of comfort, when we hit the malls for retail therapy, we are turning to stomach gods! We are bound to our desires. The sad thing about this common human weakness is that we are trying to fill a spiritual need with a material solution. We have a God-shaped hole in each of us that only the living God can fill. So when we turn to the stomach gods, the alluring affection for earthly things, we remain empty. There may be an immediate pleasure, but it does not sustain. And the next time the pleasure fix will require bigger and better experiences with our material solution to our spiritual needs. That’s why Paul pities those who are focused on earthly things. They are going nowhere on this spiritual journey.
But there are those who are wise enough to recognize that nothing in this mortal plain satisfies the hungry heart. Lent is the opportunity for us to join with others in following the apostle’s example of prayer, fasting, meditation and devotion as we prepare for a sharing in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Read all of Philippians Chapter 3 and discuss with your spouse what you believe may be a stomach god in your life. How are you going to join with others in this Lenten journey toward resurrection?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Plans
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. ~ Proverbs 19:21
In the 2004 film Dodgeball, Vince Vaughn plays Peter La Fleur, the underachieving owner/manager of Average Joe’s Gymnasium. When asked by an auditor if he had a goal in life Le Fleur answers, “I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.”
While the absurdity of this attitude is humorous, there are times when I want to join La Fleur. The emotional consequences of upset plans are just too painful.
For Valentine’s Day this year, we purchased tickets to see Pretenders in concert. It was a special night because Michele and I were celebrating our 25th year since we had first met. I had high hopes for a fun night of music and romance. It was a severely windy night with gusts up to 66 miles an hour. As Michele and I made our way to the theatre we were nearly knocked down. I feared our umbrella would be destroyed by the force of the wind. Finally we made it within eyeshot of the theatre marquee only to see the words “Tonight’s Show Postponed.” One of the musicians had fallen ill.
You can imagine our disappointment and frustration. We had decided on a short and inexpensive meal prior to the concert, so we weren’t going out to a restaurant as a back up plan. Movie times were way too late for Michele’s early morning work schedule, so reluctantly we drove home. What we had planned as a fun and meaningful evening had been detoured. It was “a bummer,” as they say.
Michele and I still were able to express our happiness at having been together for 25 years. We were able to exchange gifts and words of appreciation and love. But it was not the kind of evening we had hoped for. Instead it became an ordinary night like many others except of the glaring disappointment.
How well do you “let go” when plans go awry? It might be helpful to recognize that ultimately we are not in control of our lives. There are other agendas that sometimes collide with our course and upset our plans. But do we have to be defeated? Who is ultimately in control? The apostle James offers the humbling thought that the Lord is in control.
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. – James 4:13-16
Even simple plans for the day are under the Lord’s will. If I accept James’ worldview, then I have to see that my plans for a fun and romantic night out were trumped by greater needs. The high winds helped to dry up standing water from melting snow and rain. Perhaps that was a greater need. The sickly musician perhaps needed rest and a night off. I suppose I could logically accept these as being of greater importance than our desire for a romantic evening, but the truth is I wanted to see the Pretenders with Michele at my side. That was my dream for the night and it did not go as planned. Had I been humble enough to admit that I am not in charge and let go of my frustration, we might still have had a fun and romantic evening. After all we still had each other!
When your plans go wrong, consider that God has other plans. How do you feel about acknowledging God's control? May you be given peace as you surrender your plans to the Lord’s will each day.
In the 2004 film Dodgeball, Vince Vaughn plays Peter La Fleur, the underachieving owner/manager of Average Joe’s Gymnasium. When asked by an auditor if he had a goal in life Le Fleur answers, “I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.”
While the absurdity of this attitude is humorous, there are times when I want to join La Fleur. The emotional consequences of upset plans are just too painful.
For Valentine’s Day this year, we purchased tickets to see Pretenders in concert. It was a special night because Michele and I were celebrating our 25th year since we had first met. I had high hopes for a fun night of music and romance. It was a severely windy night with gusts up to 66 miles an hour. As Michele and I made our way to the theatre we were nearly knocked down. I feared our umbrella would be destroyed by the force of the wind. Finally we made it within eyeshot of the theatre marquee only to see the words “Tonight’s Show Postponed.” One of the musicians had fallen ill.
You can imagine our disappointment and frustration. We had decided on a short and inexpensive meal prior to the concert, so we weren’t going out to a restaurant as a back up plan. Movie times were way too late for Michele’s early morning work schedule, so reluctantly we drove home. What we had planned as a fun and meaningful evening had been detoured. It was “a bummer,” as they say.
Michele and I still were able to express our happiness at having been together for 25 years. We were able to exchange gifts and words of appreciation and love. But it was not the kind of evening we had hoped for. Instead it became an ordinary night like many others except of the glaring disappointment.
How well do you “let go” when plans go awry? It might be helpful to recognize that ultimately we are not in control of our lives. There are other agendas that sometimes collide with our course and upset our plans. But do we have to be defeated? Who is ultimately in control? The apostle James offers the humbling thought that the Lord is in control.
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. – James 4:13-16
Even simple plans for the day are under the Lord’s will. If I accept James’ worldview, then I have to see that my plans for a fun and romantic night out were trumped by greater needs. The high winds helped to dry up standing water from melting snow and rain. Perhaps that was a greater need. The sickly musician perhaps needed rest and a night off. I suppose I could logically accept these as being of greater importance than our desire for a romantic evening, but the truth is I wanted to see the Pretenders with Michele at my side. That was my dream for the night and it did not go as planned. Had I been humble enough to admit that I am not in charge and let go of my frustration, we might still have had a fun and romantic evening. After all we still had each other!
When your plans go wrong, consider that God has other plans. How do you feel about acknowledging God's control? May you be given peace as you surrender your plans to the Lord’s will each day.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Finances
The ants are not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer;
~ Proverbs 30:24-25
Do you all remember the fable of the grasshopper and the ant? Disney made a cartoon version in which the carefree grasshopper sang, “Oh, the world owes me a living!” The grasshopper played his fiddle and lazed about all summer while the ants worked and stored up food for the winter. When winter came the ants were warm in their anthill with plenty of food for the whole community, but the grasshopper was hungry and cold.
This is the cautionary tale that we Baby Boomers and beyond (1945 and forward) need to hear. Our theme song for this current generation was voiced by the rock group Queen: “I want it all and I want it now!” Planning and saving runs counter to amassing goodies, toys and nice things. “I want my big screen HDTV,” has been my mantra for years now as I watch a 27” traditional set. But there are other demands on our finances that put that coveting desire lower in the queue. College payments, auto insurance, mortgage, medical bills, school clothes and supplies, home and auto maintenance and repairs; there is always something that gets in the way of me getting what I want. I don’t like having to wait.
In a marriage chances are you mate’s wants will differ from yours. For instance Michele can live without the HDTV big screen and enjoy what we already have. She’d rather travel and visit places she has never seen or experienced. That takes big money! We differ on how to spend. It can cause friction. Family finances are the number one troublemaker for marriages. We can bicker, worry and blame each other into crisis.
Jesus taught that his disciples cannot serve both God and the goodies (money). You can’t have two masters. You will end up serving only one and hating the other. “Where your treasure is your heart will be also (Mat 6:21).” He said this in the context of preaching about laying up treasures in heaven. Chapter 6 of Matthew deals with practicing piety in order to impress and other worries. Our eyes and minds are often on earthy things and not on heaven. Jesus calls us to look beyond the glitter of all the goodies money can buy and invest ourselves in working toward a secure future in eternity. This world is passing away. All the nice things in this world, we cannot take with us. But heaven is forever, your home for eternity.
We challenge you to pray together with your spouse and seek God’s guidance on how and where you spend. Become tithers, giving 10% of your income as first fruits to the Lord. God will bless your life when you set Him as your priority in all expenditures. Proverbs 11:25 says “the generous man will be prosperous and he who waters will himself be watered.”
Where is your treasure? To what does you heart really belong? Does your spending reflect that you love God or goodies? How do you feel about giving God 10% of your income?
My father-in-law always says, “You can’t out-give God.” May you be blessed with faith to trust in Him, learn to appreciate what you have and be patient for what you desire. God has a way of fulfilling the desires of your heart when you truly delight in Him.
~ Proverbs 30:24-25
Do you all remember the fable of the grasshopper and the ant? Disney made a cartoon version in which the carefree grasshopper sang, “Oh, the world owes me a living!” The grasshopper played his fiddle and lazed about all summer while the ants worked and stored up food for the winter. When winter came the ants were warm in their anthill with plenty of food for the whole community, but the grasshopper was hungry and cold.
This is the cautionary tale that we Baby Boomers and beyond (1945 and forward) need to hear. Our theme song for this current generation was voiced by the rock group Queen: “I want it all and I want it now!” Planning and saving runs counter to amassing goodies, toys and nice things. “I want my big screen HDTV,” has been my mantra for years now as I watch a 27” traditional set. But there are other demands on our finances that put that coveting desire lower in the queue. College payments, auto insurance, mortgage, medical bills, school clothes and supplies, home and auto maintenance and repairs; there is always something that gets in the way of me getting what I want. I don’t like having to wait.
In a marriage chances are you mate’s wants will differ from yours. For instance Michele can live without the HDTV big screen and enjoy what we already have. She’d rather travel and visit places she has never seen or experienced. That takes big money! We differ on how to spend. It can cause friction. Family finances are the number one troublemaker for marriages. We can bicker, worry and blame each other into crisis.
Jesus taught that his disciples cannot serve both God and the goodies (money). You can’t have two masters. You will end up serving only one and hating the other. “Where your treasure is your heart will be also (Mat 6:21).” He said this in the context of preaching about laying up treasures in heaven. Chapter 6 of Matthew deals with practicing piety in order to impress and other worries. Our eyes and minds are often on earthy things and not on heaven. Jesus calls us to look beyond the glitter of all the goodies money can buy and invest ourselves in working toward a secure future in eternity. This world is passing away. All the nice things in this world, we cannot take with us. But heaven is forever, your home for eternity.
We challenge you to pray together with your spouse and seek God’s guidance on how and where you spend. Become tithers, giving 10% of your income as first fruits to the Lord. God will bless your life when you set Him as your priority in all expenditures. Proverbs 11:25 says “the generous man will be prosperous and he who waters will himself be watered.”
Where is your treasure? To what does you heart really belong? Does your spending reflect that you love God or goodies? How do you feel about giving God 10% of your income?
My father-in-law always says, “You can’t out-give God.” May you be blessed with faith to trust in Him, learn to appreciate what you have and be patient for what you desire. God has a way of fulfilling the desires of your heart when you truly delight in Him.
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Way Out
But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' ~ Luke 18:13
In our last devotion, The Blame Game, we talked about how we tend to hide in the bushes like Adam and Eve, ashamed and afraid of our failures. We don’t want to face the truth. We find it difficult to be honest. The pain of admitting our guilt and taking ownership of our shortcoming seems too difficult. It’s much easier to hide or divert attention away from it by blaming others.
One tactic I often use to divert attention away from my failure is to get angry. If I huff and puff like a child in a tantrum perhaps no one will press the issue. Also the anger feels powerful, when confession of failure feels to me like defeat. My clean exterior is shattered. My “Grade A” performance is marred. Admission of guilt is humiliation to the ego.
Michele shocked me on this subject. I had asked her to think of a time she was hiding. Instead of hearing about her trying to protect her ego, she shared this:
“For most of our marriage I did our finances, but recently Scott took over that job. Now I realize I had been hiding. If I bought something Scott might think was too expensive, I didn’t worry about it. I said to myself, ‘He’ll never know.’ Now I think twice because he will see the checking and credit card statements. It is a good thing to be accountable to Scott and my spending, but it’s based on fear…fear of Scott’s anger.”
I was saddened to hear that she feared being honest with me. When I asked what she was afraid would happen if I got angry, she responded that she’d just rather avoid the hassle. What a trap! And the truth is I am the careless spender! I was confronted by my hypocracy.
In our marriage relationships, anger as a means to keep a sense of power and control in the face of our sinful action and failures is not healthy. It is an abuse against your spouse and family. It is simply another way to hide. There is a way out.
What a freeing reality to know forgiveness and mercy in Jesus Christ! In Luke 18 Jesus told a parable to free those “who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else.” He told of a religious leader who prayed “about himself.” He expressed how glad he was that he wasn’t like all the other sinners and how good he was by his disciplines of fasting and tithing. He was hiding, trapped in the bushes of fear.
There was a tax collector near who, ashamed of his own sin, wouldn’t lift his face to heaven, but beat his chest in shame saying, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Jesus said that this humiliated man went home justified before God and not the puffed up religious leader.
There’s an invitation here. The invitation is like God’s calling out to Adam hiding in the bushes, "Where are you?" (Gen 3:9) Where are you in relationship to God’s offer of mercy for your failures and shortcoming, your weakness and sin? Are you still hiding trying to maintain some sense of dignity? There is no dignity in hiding. God wants to free us from our fear of judgment. His perfect love will cast out of our hearts all fear of judgment (1 Jn 4:18) and give us the freedom to walk out from behind our hiding place, whether is be angry outbursts or false piety, and stand before him both humbled and at the same time exalted. God lifts up the humbled, but those who exalt themselves, well they stay stuck in their fear of begin found out.
In our last devotion, The Blame Game, we talked about how we tend to hide in the bushes like Adam and Eve, ashamed and afraid of our failures. We don’t want to face the truth. We find it difficult to be honest. The pain of admitting our guilt and taking ownership of our shortcoming seems too difficult. It’s much easier to hide or divert attention away from it by blaming others.
One tactic I often use to divert attention away from my failure is to get angry. If I huff and puff like a child in a tantrum perhaps no one will press the issue. Also the anger feels powerful, when confession of failure feels to me like defeat. My clean exterior is shattered. My “Grade A” performance is marred. Admission of guilt is humiliation to the ego.
Michele shocked me on this subject. I had asked her to think of a time she was hiding. Instead of hearing about her trying to protect her ego, she shared this:
“For most of our marriage I did our finances, but recently Scott took over that job. Now I realize I had been hiding. If I bought something Scott might think was too expensive, I didn’t worry about it. I said to myself, ‘He’ll never know.’ Now I think twice because he will see the checking and credit card statements. It is a good thing to be accountable to Scott and my spending, but it’s based on fear…fear of Scott’s anger.”
I was saddened to hear that she feared being honest with me. When I asked what she was afraid would happen if I got angry, she responded that she’d just rather avoid the hassle. What a trap! And the truth is I am the careless spender! I was confronted by my hypocracy.
In our marriage relationships, anger as a means to keep a sense of power and control in the face of our sinful action and failures is not healthy. It is an abuse against your spouse and family. It is simply another way to hide. There is a way out.
What a freeing reality to know forgiveness and mercy in Jesus Christ! In Luke 18 Jesus told a parable to free those “who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else.” He told of a religious leader who prayed “about himself.” He expressed how glad he was that he wasn’t like all the other sinners and how good he was by his disciplines of fasting and tithing. He was hiding, trapped in the bushes of fear.
There was a tax collector near who, ashamed of his own sin, wouldn’t lift his face to heaven, but beat his chest in shame saying, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Jesus said that this humiliated man went home justified before God and not the puffed up religious leader.
There’s an invitation here. The invitation is like God’s calling out to Adam hiding in the bushes, "Where are you?" (Gen 3:9) Where are you in relationship to God’s offer of mercy for your failures and shortcoming, your weakness and sin? Are you still hiding trying to maintain some sense of dignity? There is no dignity in hiding. God wants to free us from our fear of judgment. His perfect love will cast out of our hearts all fear of judgment (1 Jn 4:18) and give us the freedom to walk out from behind our hiding place, whether is be angry outbursts or false piety, and stand before him both humbled and at the same time exalted. God lifts up the humbled, but those who exalt themselves, well they stay stuck in their fear of begin found out.
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