Parents

"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ~ Ephesians 6:2-3

Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.

Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.

When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.

Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.

Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.

Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."


Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.