Overjoyed

When they saw the star they shouted joyfully. – Mat. 2:10 (NET Bible)

“‘Tis to the season to be jolly!” Have you noticed in recent years the cynicism in films about the holidays? There’s a long list that grows as each jolly season comes around. Rather than themes that celebrate the joy of the season of love, the focus is primarily on dysfunctional families and broken relationships, greed and grimacing. While the cynical approach may name what is the reality for many, it subverts the joyous message. The message is “Love is real.”

There’s a carol that names it well.

Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, Love divine;
Love was born at Christmas;
star and angels gave the sign.

Astrologers (Magi) from Persian courts came to pay homage to the Messiah born not only for Israel, but for all people. These men had learned the messianic prophecies of from Judah’s captivity in Babylon. They were knowledgeable about the hope that one day God would restore His people with a son of King David and His kingdom would be marked by justice, righteousness, peace and the blessing of all the kingdoms of the earth. Kings and rulers would flock to Jerusalem to learn of God and share in this outpouring of wisdom, truth and majesty. Our best hope for human community is summed up in this messianic kingdom.

You and your spouse are chief subjects to King Jesus. He has a special task for you. It is to rejoice in Him, hope in Him and to love one another with the love He has shown each of you through His life, death and resurrection. Michele and I see our duty to Christ our King as the sacred task of loving one another; to love and care for our children and neighbors as a means of celebrating the greatest love ever given to the world.

This love is a self-emptying love. We do not possess this love apart from our connection to the King. When we drift from the majesty of His throne to go and serve others gods, like the god of busy-ness, the god of success, of fortune, of recognition, or of recreation, we separate ourselves from this real love.

John wrote in his first letter to the church that we know love by this: “Jesus laid down his life for us; thus we ought to lay down our lives for our fellow Christians” (1 Jn 3:16 NET Bible). This kind of love is risky and takes complete faith. It is a love that keeps no record of wrong, is not rude and shows patience (see 1 Cor. 13). This “other seeking love” is made completely real to our hearts when we embrace the gift of Christmas, Christ Jesus. When our hearts are filled with His Spirit, we can enjoy a true holiday, holy days in joyous celebration.

Discuss with one another how you can connect with this real love together. How will you spend time before the throne of Christ Jesus and be filled with His love? How will you share this self-emptying love with one another?

This love is a special light in the world. The Magi saw the new star that announced Christ’s birth and they were overjoyed. May you know the joy of real love, first from Christ and through Him for one another and the entire world.

Mission Critical

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come." ~ Mark 1:35-37

Do you ever get the feeling that everybody wants a piece of you? Mark tells us that Jesus had the habit of prayer early in the morning. While he was away renewing himself and hearing from His heavenly father, others were searching for him. They tell him that “everyone is looking for him.” Jesus knows what if feels like to have people tugging on you for your time and energy.

Jesus’ response seems sort of unkind. Instead of him responding to the needs of those in front of him, his focus is on his mission with those he had not yet encountered. Far from being unkind, Jesus is dedicated to his mission which will bless the whole world. Jesus’ example is helpful for us in marriage in a couple ways.

The first point is this: Keep your mission as the priority.

Jesus could have allowed the needs of the moment distract him from the greater mission, that for which he came into the world. What would our lives be like if Jesus had chosen just to stick to Capernaum of Galilee? We would not know the life saving good news of God’s love.

The second point is this: Stay grounded in your relationship with God.

Jesus took the time to pray first thing in the morning. Before event the sun got to work, Jesus went to a quiet place to be alone with God. Here he could renew and be reminded of his purpose in life, his mission, that for which God had sent him into the world. Remember that Jesus taught his disciples, “apart from me, you can do nothing.” Grapes can never ripen apart from the sustaining vine. God is your vine, your very life’s source and strength.

Your mission as a married couple is simple: love one another and allow God to knit your hearts together as one. But God does not give you one to the other for your own sakes. God gives you this partnership to provide Him a witness of divine love in the world. Your children are blessed when you share in this love. Your friends, extended family and everyone who knows you are blessed because of your love for one another.

The next time you feel others tugging at you, causing you to drift from this most critical mission, feel free to be clear with them about what is your mission. Resist the temptation to give into everyone else; the children, the job, the extended family, the church or community. You are called to love your spouse and from that wonderful life-giving relationship, witness to the love of God.

What is your mission as a couple? As a disciple of Jesus Christ? Discuss with one another how you keep grounded in your relationship with Christ

Priorities

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

~ Matthew 6:33

Do you ever get to feeling like you have no control over your life? Day in and day out you are working someone else’s agenda. You daydream about what you wish you had time to do, but you never seem to get the chance. Join the hundreds of millions of westerners who have chosen this life. This is the game we bought into. It’s what I often refer to as the “hamster wheel the world has gotten us onto.”

Michele and I have often wanted to travel in our life. We get to once in a while, but with no regularity. Finances and our commitments to our children’s schedules, our church and employers and my spending habits have often frustrated these longings.

On the one hand, we can learn the discipline of being thankful for what we have. There is a joy in simplicity and allowing ourselves to gratefully receive the givenness of our life together. Still, we could also acknowledge that we allow the business of day to day commitments obscure our working toward priorities. If we want to go on a trip to Hawaii, we can set the date and plan on how we will save the money to pay for the trip. It may take a few years to reach that dream, but we won’t see it come to fruition unless we work toward that priority.

We find the same to be true in our marriage relationship. We get so busy with the day to day that we begin to sense that there’s a gap between us. We love each other, but our need for intimacy is not being met because, we haven’t made intimate conversation and time together a priority.

Michele uses an object lesson that is very effective in illustrating the importance of priorities. On a table she has two glass jars. One jar is filled about halfway with small dried beans. The other is filled with pin-pong balls. The small beans represent all the little stuff we have to get done, like trimming the bushes or changing the oil in the lawnmower. They are important, but are they major priorities in the grand scheme? The ping-pong balls represent the major priorities like family, job, school and friendships.

If you are like most people, you can’t get everything done. So after days and weeks of reacting to all the tugs on your time and talent, you have little left for pursuing what you really want out of life. Michele illustrates this by showing that when we deal with all the small stuff first (the beans), all the ping-pong balls will not fit into the jar with the beans.

But when we attend to the major priorities first (she loads an empty jar with the ping-pong balls), then all the small stuff falls into place (she pours the beans into the same jar with the ping-pong balls and amazingly they all fill the spaces in between the ping-pong balls.).

Jesus taught to make the kingdom of God our first priority, even above such necessities as food, drink and clothing. When we pursue God’s righteousness, all the other stuff finds its appropriate place in the scheme of things.

Your marriage is a gift from God. How are you making your relationship a major priority? Discuss what small stuff is getting in the way of you both working toward intimacy and affectionate care?

A Verse to Hang Your Hat On

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28

Have you ever heard people from New England or Michigan speak? Their “r” is barely noticeable. I heard a comedian once joking about a fellow from Boston who said that his father had a “hat” attack. Cardiac arrest aside, I have a few biblical verses that “I hang my hat (heart) on.” That’s an old saying (origin unknown to me) related to a place where you call home, a place of security. If I hang my hat on an idea, it means I feel secure in my adherence to that idea.

One such verse is Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This implies a worldview where there is a God working for good in all things. It says to me that in the good, bad and ugly of life, God is at work taking life as it is presented to Him and bringing about blessings. This does not mean that I will feel good about an ugly event like the murder of children. It doesn’t mean that God wills for such ugliness to occur. What it does recognize is that suffering happens in this fallen world in its “bondage to decay” (Rom 8:21). Yet, while suffering occurs, God responds by working good for those whose hearts belong to Him and dedicate themselves to working with God in His work of restoring this broken world.

Time and time again, as Michele and I face “trials of many kinds” (James 1:2-4), we return to this understanding. We are comforted with a sense of security when we acknowledge that God is on the job working for good. We may not see the good God is doing, but we have faith that such good will come. It doesn’t matter to us if we benefit directly from the good. We are pleased to believe that something beautiful, something good will come out of the trial.

Recently we reconnected with one of our friends who served as an usher at our wedding all those years ago. We hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and inquired about his family. He had married later in life to a woman with a troubled teenager. Problems at their home sometime brought the police to their doorstep. It was a harrowing time for them and they feared for their daughter’s life with her destructive behavior and rebellious attitude.

What a delight it was to hear how God had worked for good in their lives. The teen had sued our friends for emancipation, but was placed at a Christian children’s home under supervision by the court until she reached 18 years. During that time the teen found healing for her heart and coping skills. Now in her mid-twenties she is a mother and employed full time as a counselor for child victims of domestic violence. God took a wounded girl and helped her become a healer.

What is a verse of scripture you hang your heart on?
Discuss with your spouse some of your favorite verses or passages.
If you can’t think of a passage, discuss how you feel about Romans 8:28.

Not Enough is Plenty

“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said. – Matthew 14:17-18

Recently Michele and I have hit a brick wall. Our energy is depleted. We are tired. It could be aging, or lack of exercise, improper diet or doing more than we are physically equipped to do. Whatever it is, low energy is a drag on us spiritually. When our bodies are tired, our spirits and minds are also worn out.

Paul tells us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). And Jesus tells John in his revelation, “I am making everything new” (Rev. 21:5). The Spirit of God “renews the face of the earth” (Psalm 104:30). And “those who wait on the Lord renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31). The need for renewal exists for all God’s creation. Why should we be any different?

One of my favorite passages is about Jesus trying to get away from the crowds to grieve his cousin, John the baptizer, who was executed by King Herod. Matthew tells us that Jesus and his disciples took a boat to a secluded place. The crowds had heard about his plans and met Him when He arrived.

Can you imagine how he felt? I would have just moved on to another place saying, “I need some ‘me’ time.” But Jesus has compassion on the crowds and heals their sick. As the day turns to evening, the disciples are worn out. “Send these people away so they can eat,” they tell Jesus. Jesus tells them, “You give them something to eat.” The disciples complained that there was not enough to feed this multitude of 5000 people. But Jesus responds, “bring them to me.” So the disciples hand him their limited supplies, but with the blessing of God all the people are fed and satisfied with baskets of leftovers!

In our weakness, we find new strength through our dependency on the abundance of the kingdom of Heaven. When we are empty, we find new resources for energy and passion when we come to our Creator broken and in need. Give God what little you have in faithful obedience and see what he does with it. Remember with God…not enough means plenty.

You may be struggling with financial limitations, or a depletion of self-esteem, you may find a physical limitation slowing you down. In all these things, you are invited to stop focusing on your limits and start trusting in the abundant mercies of God through Jesus Christ. Like a pinch of yeast causes a whole batch of dough to rise, your faith added to your limited resources will bring about dramatic results.

Share with one another where you are feeling empty, limited, pinched or constrained. How does God want to use the little you feel you have? Pray together for God to direct you and multiply your offering.

A Time to Every Purpose

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

Recently Michele’s part-time consulting job was eliminated. “I was disappointed and concerned. I judged this was a step backwards for the organization. I was concerned not only for the future of the organization & the people I supported but also for our personal finances.” There is a lot of that going around in 2009. This June another half million jobs disappeared from American employers. People are displaced and in transition. Marriages are in crisis as fearful emotions run high.

Often we tend to equate our self worth to what we do, our occupation. Others are tied to fine belongings like houses, cars, clothes, and jewelry to boost self esteem. But when economies erode, our self esteem can wash away like a collapsing river bank. When we derive our sense of self worth from things on earth, we are truly on questionable foundations.

Both the old and new testaments include in their worldview an end to this era. Peter writes in his second letter, The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. The New Testament writers especially thought that the end of this world and its corruption would bring about the reign of Christ and the home of Righteousness. So we are encouraged to put our complete trust in the Master’s hand and not get too tied to the world.

After all we live a mortal life. It is a life with limitations and endings. It is a life with joy and sorrow. But with every death, there is a new beginning because our creator is in the world bringing about newness all the time. As Christ’s work continues to renew the face of the earth, He also renews the lives of those who call upon Him in faith.

How would your life together be different if you both trusted that each loss, disappointment, change, challenge and death was an opportunity for God to do something new in your lives? Discuss with one another.

Pray together and recommit your hearts to trust fully in God’s action. For there is a time to every purpose under heaven and we know all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).

Parents

"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ~ Ephesians 6:2-3

Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.

Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.

When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.

Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.

Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.

Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."


Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.