“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
Recently Michele’s part-time consulting job was eliminated. “I was disappointed and concerned. I judged this was a step backwards for the organization. I was concerned not only for the future of the organization & the people I supported but also for our personal finances.” There is a lot of that going around in 2009. This June another half million jobs disappeared from American employers. People are displaced and in transition. Marriages are in crisis as fearful emotions run high.
Often we tend to equate our self worth to what we do, our occupation. Others are tied to fine belongings like houses, cars, clothes, and jewelry to boost self esteem. But when economies erode, our self esteem can wash away like a collapsing river bank. When we derive our sense of self worth from things on earth, we are truly on questionable foundations.
Both the old and new testaments include in their worldview an end to this era. Peter writes in his second letter, The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. The New Testament writers especially thought that the end of this world and its corruption would bring about the reign of Christ and the home of Righteousness. So we are encouraged to put our complete trust in the Master’s hand and not get too tied to the world.
After all we live a mortal life. It is a life with limitations and endings. It is a life with joy and sorrow. But with every death, there is a new beginning because our creator is in the world bringing about newness all the time. As Christ’s work continues to renew the face of the earth, He also renews the lives of those who call upon Him in faith.
How would your life together be different if you both trusted that each loss, disappointment, change, challenge and death was an opportunity for God to do something new in your lives? Discuss with one another.
Pray together and recommit your hearts to trust fully in God’s action. For there is a time to every purpose under heaven and we know all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Parents
"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ~ Ephesians 6:2-3
Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.
Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.
When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.
Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.
Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.
Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.
Recently, I got a call from a young man who told me he was getting a divorce after less than one year of marriage. The news astounded me. By all accounts they seemed happy, well grounded in faith and prepared for life together. What I did not see were the parents of this couple.
Parents can bless their children's marriage or curse it. If you come from unhealthy family dynamics, your marriage may be under attack at its very start. My friend’s wife did not have the emotional ability to detach herself from her parents and cling to him. If she was lonely, she called and they coddled. They who also could not let go of their little girl planted seeds of discontent. In the end, rather than encouraging their daughter to keep her commitment to the marriage, they made it easy for her to come home and end the relationship.
When parents turn poison, how can we keep the command to honor them? You honor them with respect and compassion even in the face of injury and insult. Our Lord taught us to "turn the other cheek." Ill will and violence only beget more heartache and greater obstacles to right relationships. It's true some people will never choose to change. They will remain unhealthy and poisonous. That doesn't mean we have to behave in the same way and find ourselves infected with the same attitudes and behaviors.
Consider David's response to King Saul's unmerited and irrational attacks upon him. Saul was insanely jealous of David's influence on Israel and the admiration of the people. Saul became convinced that David was going to wrest the kingdom from his control. So Saul tried to kill David. David had to go into hiding, but every time David had an opportunity to do Saul harm, he refused. He simply could not dishonor "the Lord's anointed." To do harm to the king of Israel was in David's mind to insult God Himself, because God had chosen the king.
Might we think of our meddling parents in the same light? God chose them to give us life and nurture us to adulthood. They are not perfect. They are sinful, weak and limited just as you are. They have needs that they try to fulfill without God just as we all do from time to time. Have compassion and choose to honor your parents and in-laws because of your desire to remain faithful to God. Always lend an ear that listens to their pain and need and help to direct them to God for fulfillment.
Sadly, sometimes the best you can do is to go into hiding to avoid further abuse. Trust that God is with you in struggles with poisonous parents. Place the whole mess in His capable hands and pray for the parents in your life that they might find healing and help. Love one another deeply and remain faithful to your marriage partner. Learn to laugh in spite of the stuff that life throws at your marriage. God will keep you for He has promised "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Share with one another your feelings about your parents. How do you feel about your spouse's parents? How do they bless your life together? How can you show your gratitude? How do they strain your relationship? Discuss how you two will choose to honor your parents. Pray for God's guidance and compassion to honor parents who cause you difficulty.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Coat Hanger
Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
The apostle Paul gives this simple encouragement to the church. It seems simple, but it reflects how submission to Christ changes our relationships. When we learn how to rever Christ, by submitting our lives to Him in humility and obedience, we find that we are able to surrender our lives in love to others.
This goes a very long way in illustrating how Christ intends his married couples to behave. Paul follows in Eph. 5:22 by telling wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Her submission to her husband is prefigured or modeled in her submission to Christ her Lord. In the same way Paul urges the man in Eph. 5: 25 to “love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands are to follow the self-sacrificing love that Jesus showed the church by giving His life as a ransom in order that we might be saved. Christ shed His blood on the cross to “present the church to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Christ’s self-emptying love rings about a transformation by those He loved. In the same way husbands and wives are called to love each other like Jesus loves each one through a self-emptying love.
I always use the coat hanger as a symbol of the Christian covenant of marriage. Most of my couples have never thought of their relationship in this way. Refer to the picture above. Most often we think of marriage as a 50/50 proposition. He throws in his half with hers and the two make a go of it. Some poor folks actually agree that “if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” Is it any wonder with such an approach to the marriage covenant that 50% of our marriages in America end in divorce?
We are so trained to think as liberated individuals that we fail to see that marriage is a relationship started by God’s action and held together by God’s grace. Every covenant is initiated by God’s invitation. God invited humans to “be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it.” God invited Abram to follow Him to Canaan and God would make Abram the father of many nations and bless him and those who bless Abram. God invited Moses and the Israelites to join Him into a holy community by following His holy law, summarized in the 10 commandments. In the same way God brings together a man and woman and invites them into a covenant where the two will become one flesh.
As such a husband must acknowledge the author of his marriage, namely His creator. The more he pursues a vital faith, the stronger he will be as a husband to his wife. And a woman likewise must love the Lord and grow in her devotion to Christ. The stronger her relationship with Christ, the stronger she will be in her marriage to her husband. The success of the Christian marriage is dependent upon Christ’s grace at work in the husband and wife.
We know Christ as the good shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. We know from Psalm 23 that the Lord our shepherd leads us to refreshment, righteousness, walks with us through the dark valleys of our life journey and brings us to a place of security where we can affirm that good and mercy follow us always and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. The hook on the coat hanger reminds us of this Shepherd God. The triangular shape of the coat hanger reminds us of the correlation between our submission to Christ and the strength of our marriage.
Discuss together how you feel about the coat hanger as a symbol for marriage. Share with one another one or two areas in your relationship with Christ where you think you need to grow. Ask your spouse to share with you an area he or she would like to see you grow as a spouse.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Back to Basics
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ~ Revelation 22:2
As another month draws to a close, I realize how quickly life passes us by as adults. As children time seems to crawl. We long to be grown up and seen as responsible. Now as we will soon be celebrating our second child’s graduation from high school, I am aware that the speed of time’s passing is a blur. Like the dotted line on a highway, each day passes by with a flash.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not only of a romantic past, but of God’s promise of a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage are in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
As another month draws to a close, I realize how quickly life passes us by as adults. As children time seems to crawl. We long to be grown up and seen as responsible. Now as we will soon be celebrating our second child’s graduation from high school, I am aware that the speed of time’s passing is a blur. Like the dotted line on a highway, each day passes by with a flash.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not only of a romantic past, but of God’s promise of a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage are in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Renewal Through Remembering
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ~ Revelation 22:2
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not simply of romantic beginnings, but of God’s promise for a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage is in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Spring is a season where we often renew efforts to physical fitness trying to make good on our New Year resolutions. We join our neighbors in yard work and other outside activities. It is a time of renewal and rebirth. How do we renew ourselves? How do we renew our relationships?
For Michele and me renewal comes in many forms. We date. We go out to a restaurant and a movie like we have since our first days together. We hold hands and tell each other, “I love you.” We may take a walk around the neighborhood, the park or take a ride on the motorcycle. But these events are often just a going through the motions.
What truly renews is our bedrock commitment to each other in holy wedlock. We are locked into this marriage. We both delight in the knowledge that God made us for each other. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. Her heart joined to mine makes us whole. We remember fondly how we discussed marriage during our courtship. We both felt that God meant for us to be together forever. That belief has kept us in covenant even when we had a hard time keeping our vows.
Part of renewal is remembrance, not simply of romantic beginnings, but of God’s promise for a glorious future. Even though time seems to rush by too quickly, there is a point on the horizon to which we are moving. It is the kingdom of God fully realized. Michele and I live out our faith and marriage with this destiny in mind. Our marriage is not based on some past romance, but on the belief that our marriage is in God’s hands. He shapes us according to His will and deepens our love for one another. He is making us each day more and more fit for life together in the kingdom of God.
Our hope in the new Jerusalem is the prime example of our hope in all of God’s promises which include a continual deepening of love and relatedness as He makes us into one flesh. The truer our love for God and each other, the more the Kingdom of God is a reality in our homes and with others.
Pray together that this spring will be a time of renewal in your marriage. Remember your wedding day. Look at the photos or the video of your wedding ceremony. This was a day you began this journey. Remember God’s promise for a great future together. Keep close to one another and recommit to this hand in hand, heart in heart walk into God’s bright future.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Rich Wounds
Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.” ~ John 20:27a
During Holy Week I was listening to music from my college years and found myself overwhelmed with a flood of painful memories. I experienced guilt, shame, rejection and deep sadness. As I wrestled with these old wounds, it suddenly occurred to me that as Our Lord revealed His wounds to His disciples after he had suffered the cross and risen from the dead.
During Holy Week I was listening to music from my college years and found myself overwhelmed with a flood of painful memories. I experienced guilt, shame, rejection and deep sadness. As I wrestled with these old wounds, it suddenly occurred to me that as Our Lord revealed His wounds to His disciples after he had suffered the cross and risen from the dead.
Often we think of the faithful departed as being disembodied spirits, vapors who show no deformity. This idea is present in the Star Wars first trilogy. In Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader) appears to his son Luke in a vision at the end of the film. If you know the film Darth Vader was horribly deformed in life having burned on a volcanic planet after his defeat in a battle against his former master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yet in his appearance to Luke through the force, Anakin shows no sign of the scars. Instead he appears whole and smiling. In the special addition of the film, the younger version of Anakin appears, handsome, viral and complete.
The resurrected Christ, however, bears His scars. He is alive, a new creation, the first born of the dead…and yet Jesus still has the scars from his earthly suffering. Why? Why would God not recreate a whole and unblemished body?
The classic hymn Crown Him With Many Crowns has these words in the text:
Crown Him the Lord of love,Behold His hands and side,
Rich wounds, yet visible above, In beauty glorified.
Crown Him the Lord of life, Who triumphed o'er the grave,
Crown Him the Lord of life, Who triumphed o'er the grave,
Who rose victorious to the strife For those He came to save.
In some sense the wounds of Christ, the Resurrected One, remind us of His suffering which brought us victory over sin and death and all evil. His death and resurrection are complete and total victory. And as Peter quoted Isaiah, “by His wounds you have been healed.”
Old wounds can surface in our relationships and cause us to feel paralyzed and out of control. We do and say things we regret because of the past pain that has come into our present.
How might you find victory and healing knowing that Christ bears rich wounds that have set you free?
Discuss with your spouse.
If you need to ask forgiveness for past abuses, do so. Trust your spouse with your old wounds and together before Christ pray for healing.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
In Sickness and In Health
Now Simon's mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her. So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them. ~ Luke 4:38b-39
Michele and I just went through a round of the flu with our two younger teens, Erika and Anthony. They missed school. I ran them to doctor’s appointments. Michele called to check in from work and to prompt me to get medications or what ever else was needed. Michele is the nurse. I am not.
What I mean to say is that my nursing abilities are lacking. I don’t have much of a bedside manner. I am more witch doctor than nurse trying to frighten the flu bug or evil spirits away from my sick children. I am attempting humor here. Basically I feel unable to help, so I feel helpless and a bit frustrated.
That is the weakness I face when my love, whom I depend on for so many things, falls ill. I feel sick right along with her. I do not have the illness she has, but I have an undone feeling like I am not okay. I feel insecure when Michele is sick. I often tell her she is my “quiet strength.” So when she’s not okay, I am not okay. Sound like co-dependency? Or is it indicative of the deep love connection, that one flesh relationship that God does in marriages?
Peter and Jesus were finally getting a chance to wind down after a busy day of ministry around
“They asked Jesus to help her.” It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? How do you ask Jesus to help your spouse when they are feeling ill? Can we pray for our spouse or children when they are sick with something as ordinary as a cold or fever? I have seen Michele feel better just because I cared enough to pray over her.
Try praying over your spouse while they are lying on their sick bed. It might seem awkward, but envision in your mind’s eye the Lord Jesus there with you touching them with His mighty hands. Imagine the Lord of the Universe leaning over the bed with you and in the authority of His name, rebuking the illness.
Jesus has been given authority in all things. He shares this authority when you pray in His name. Learn to let go of your own insecurities when your loved one is languished and be strengthened and renewed in the knowledge that Jesus answers those who call upon the Great Physician.
Once they are feeling better, you can go back to depending on them. Depend on Jesus always and He will enable you to keep your spouse in sickness and in health.
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